The Spring breeze was hotter than it should have been and the warm air was blowing through the window of the car. I could feel the heat coming through the vents. I turned to her and took one hand in mine. She had tears in her eyes. Why was she crying, had I hurt her? Had I said something wrong? I put my other hand to her chin and lifted her face. She looked at me with the warmth and radiance of a summer night. I moved forward and kissed her on the lips. She was so warm and her lips so soft. The warm air got even warmer as we held each other. Her kiss seemed hungry as she kissed me back then leaned back against the seat in the car and looked at me with wanting eyes. I leaned against her breasts and felt her deeply breathing. I was not only warm from the heat, but from the heat of her body. My hands ached to touch her and learn her body and soul. I couldn’t think of what I wanted to say as we reached a point we had never allowed before. We both knew what we wanted but were uncertain that we wanted to go any farther. Our love for each other was strong and insistant, yet we held back our hungers, keeping them at bay with small, intimate caresses of love. I slipped my hand beneath her blouse to caress her soft moist skin. She sighed quietly and shivered from my touch, then drew me closer as we shut out the rest of the world with our love. We lay there wrapped in each other's arms for what seemed like forever and yet only moments, caressing each other, and knowing something very important was happening this late Spring night. She was so desirable and lovable. Her body was so soft and tender. We had always felt at peace with each other, safe havens in a lonely world. In the silvery moonlight, I could see, that her eyes were still wet with unfallen tears. Why didn't she just tell me what was wrong... Why didn't I just ask? But neither of us spoke about the tears... we just sat for a long time just talking small talk. Then, it was late and time for me to take her home.

I drove her home and we sat there in the car for a few minutes. I watched her wondering, and she lowered her head again. I knew something was wrong, but couldn’t imagine what I had done to cause her pain. Finally she turned to me and smiled a half smile. She had that young, innocent, girlish smile that always touched my heart. With that smile and tears in her clear, green eyes, she told me she couldn’t see me again and not to call her. I was stunned and could only look at her with doubt in my eyes. I couldn’t comprehend what she was saying. It was clear she loved me, and I loved her, how could she say this. She got out of the car and ran to the house and through the front door before I could gather my thoughts enough to protest. She had never run from me this way. We had had differences, but never left each other without first making up. I didn’t know what to think or do, so I made one of those life changing mistakes, I drove off and went home to bed.

It took months for me to get over her. I passed her many times at arms length but neither of us said anything. Sometimes I caught her looking at me, but she never spoke. It hurt sometimes but I wasn’t going to make the first move. Later, I left the area, but she never left my heart and she haunted my dreams. Many nights I awoke from dreams with her on my mind. Many nights I awoke sobbing in my sleep thinking of her. Yet I wouldn’t call her. She had told me she wouldn’t see me again. Call it male pride if you will, but she sent me away, and I wasn’t going to be the first to make contact.

To get her out of my mind, I started dating other women. I met one that seemed to take my mind off her and before long we were talking about marriage. I was trying to forget the past and this seemed to fill the empty feelings I had. Yet, when I came back home, I wanted to see her, no, had to see her. If nothing else I had to see her to tell her I was going to be married soon. I didn’t know if she would see me or not. But I drove to her house and she was outside sitting in the swing, looking so beautiful I could barely speak over my heart's pounding.

"Come for a drive with me." She stood there for a minute looking at me. Then after looking back toward the house she turned to me and said, "No one's home, I can come for a little while." We drove into the country, exchanging just a few words of small talk. I finally found a small side road into a field and I pulled off and parked. I turned to her and took her hands and sat there for a minute or two looking into her eyes. She seemed confused, but happy to see me... with questions in her eyes.

I think I told her that I still loved her but had finally gotten over her; that I had loved her for a long time and it had taken a long time to get over her. Then I told her that I had met someone and we were planning to be married. I felt as if I were drowning in her aura, and could only say one thing more.... "Could I kiss you goodbye?" She nodded... and I pulled her close to me, feeling the old, familiar rhythm of her heart against my chest and the soft, sweet taste of her lips. She seemed to melt into my arms, returning my kiss with a hunger I had dreamed of. It ended far too soon. I took a deep breath and looked at her, and saw her eyes rimmed with tears and pain, still she said nothing. Then she turned, looking away from me. I had said all I could say... and could tell she wanted to tell me something, so I waited. (What if I had not waited.. what if I had pulled her back into my arms and kept kissing her?) After a few moments, she turned to me and said, "I have spent two years seeing you in every car that passes on the street, hearing your voice whenever I come into a room... waiting, hoping you would call me. I tried to find out where you were... but no one would tell me. I thought you were lost to me forever. I have loved you all this time. Tonight, I thought you had finally come home to me. I thought my dreams were coming true."

By then, she was sobbing and tears were streaming down her cheeks.. but she continued, holding up her hand to stop me from speaking. "I have not found anyone.. I have not been looking.. There is no one to fill the empty place left when I sent you away. I don't know why I did it, except that I was terribly jealous when I saw you walking with that other girl... and my father had already told me I couldn't see you any more. It just didn't seem fair, you walking and laughing when I was in pain at not being allowed to see you. I never dreamed you would really go away. I asked people to tell you I wanted to see you. No one would tell you. I was told you had found someone new, and were getting married. I already heard all that... I hoped, when you came to see me tonight.... I'm sorry. I would go back and stop me if I could." She held her hands out and cupped my face, then tenderly kissed me once more. "I was so wrong and have caused us both so much pain. Forgive me, please. Then, abruptly, she sat back in the seat and composed herself. "Take me home, please. I can't handle any more of this. I can't just kiss you good bye and wish you and your new love every happiness... Just take me home. Please. Just take me home."

There was nothing left to say. Plans had been set into motion, and there were other people to be hurt by changing them now. I started the car and took her home, then I went home. (What if I had told her I only wanted her and no one else... what if I held her and kissed her until she lost her breath and her heart to me all over again, what if I never let her go .....) Then I married my new love and went on with my life. I didn’t see her again. My sister later told me she was dating someone and seemed fine. Yes... I asked how she was.. but there seemed no point in bringing it up again.